Meeting the Need for Connection Through Mentoring
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| Photo credit to @titus_photoghrapy116 |
Our greatest tool as followers of Jesus is His love and our effectiveness is based on our ability to share it. I want to empower and equip believers to connect with the people around them in meaningful and life-changing ways. I want them to be able to engage in conversations that make a difference and go beyond the surface to things that really matter.
What do others say?
Dr. Susanna Wu-Pong Calvert, founder of Foundation for Family & Community Healing, after many years pursuing a career in higher education, witnessed many students and faculty struggle to deal with relationship challenges, and despite her fulfilling career, she herself was unsatisfied with life. In a desire to have meaningful relationships and help others find this as well, she founded this organization. Her solution to this unmet need was to provide coaching and education to individuals seeking help. The underlying assumption this organization has is “that aggression, greed, abuse, and injustice cause a level of trauma that inhibits positive forward movement and is harmful to ourselves, each other, and our beautiful living planet.” According to Dr. Calvert, we need to be connected to ourselves, each other, and the planet. Some research reveals this complex problem has a connection to existentialism, “the philosophical belief we are each responsible for creating purpose or meaning in our own lives.” In this way of thinking, nothing can, outside of yourself, determine ones steps in life, bring meaning or purpose yet if, according to this philosophy, you allow others to guide you, it is “bad faith”. If one chooses for themselves, then why can they not also seek outside support? This appears to be a contradiction.
What does science tell us?
In a simple children’s science lesson in the Alaska Public School System, the kids learn about the interdependency of plants and animals and how they need each other to survive. Not only do the children learn about this connection, but the one they have with the environment, which they are encouraged to learn from the community elders. Though this is a children’s lesson, it demonstrates how people seek to find connection between seemingly unrelated, yet interwoven components of human life. Apart from God, humanity is looking for connection and interdependence and there is an overarching theme of responsibility for each other running throughout. Dr. Elizabeth Scott, who is an author and educator says loneliness can affect both the physical and emotional health of individuals, but she misses how it also effects the spiritual well-being. While it might seem obvious to combat loneliness with connection, as compared to the more individual existentialism, Dr. Scott recommends five out of seven suggestions that involve having this deep need met in connecting with other people and the other two revolve around serving others. Of the data found so far, only this last secular article gives any indication that individuals of faith struggle less in this area, finding that 47% of “those belonging to a religion were more likely to report meaning or purpose.”
Do the numbers agree?
From the article mentioned above, the following statistics showed that in January of 2020, of the 10,000 adults surveyed, 61% felt lonely. Following the COVID-19 pandemic, the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory released a publication entitled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” because, during the pandemic, Dr. Murthy heard stories consistently sharing the same sad theme, “if I’m not here tomorrow, no one will notice”. According to the World Health Organization, loneliness and social isolation increase an individual’s risk of early death by 25%. The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory uses this comparison, “lacking social connection can increase the risk of premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.” In 2023 Harvard did a study on mental health challenges in young adults and discovered, that in the U.S. this age group “reported twice the rates of anxiety and depression as teens.” Lack of purpose and meaning in life were the reason identified by these young adults. Viewing life as just going through the motions, with the same routine day in a day out left them unsatisfied with life. However, research by the Barna Group shows “three-quarters of committed Christian teens strongly agree their connection to Jesus brings them joy and satisfaction” globally, but that number is slightly lower at 69% in the U.S. unfortunately.
What does history have to teach us?
Following the tragic events of World War II, with all the death from the fighting, bombing, and camps, existentialism found its way into history as a solution to deal with the pain of the human condition. In his article in the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Kevin Aho describes the effects of nihilism in particular:
" In late nineteenth-century Europe as the pre-modern religious worldview was replaced with one that was increasingly secular and scientific. This historical transition resulted in the loss of a transcendent moral framework and contributed to the rise of modernity’s signature experiences: anxiety, alienation, boredom, and meaninglessness. "
Though COVID-19 highlighted again, the brokenness of this wicked problem, it is one that humanity has faced since the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden. The Surgeon’s General Advisory states, “… to promote health, change is needed across the full scope of the social-ecological model.” They go on to list in detail how various stakeholders can effect change with some examples in the school system being mentoring and peer support groups.
Can creatives give us a different perspective?
In a demographic, not yet considered, research led to how some Native Americans are recognizing and dealing with the human condition, loss of connection, and the need to be known. Colonization, capitalism and assimilation are described as “violence that disconnects us from ourselves.” A search for who they once were and to reclaim their connection to the earth is an effort to “reclaim our humanity and wholeness.” The realms to be reunited with are personal, signified by the color red; communal, represented by brown because of the connection to the land; ancestral, represented by the color blue; and integral which represents the inner person connected to all the rest, by the color yellow. This may sound like a sidenote, but because so many people are looking outside the church to unconventional methods of healing and connection, this is worth noting. Regardless of their worldview, the need is loud and clear, “Connection must be part of our collective work to make change in the world.” Even the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts is chiming in on the subject, “a school community filled with students who feel a sense of value, ownership, and belonging fosters a culture of connection.” They have offered a new perspective to the problem with a solution found in supporting arts in the classroom, because “the arts use a creative process that requires thinking in new and innovative ways” and often in a class brings collaboration which equals breaking barriers of isolation.
How does the Bible help us see this need?
The Bible has a lot to say about this wicked problem, the need for connection. When Adam and Eve chose to be like God, rather than with God, they created a chasm, no human effort could fill. God created man in His image, but apart from Him, human beings cannot fulfill their purpose, which is to glorify Him. Arguably the wisest and richest man of all time, surrounded by wealth and people, concluded at the end of his life that everything else is meaningless, the only meaningful thing is to “fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.” From the Old Testament to the New Testament, God is shown to be one who lives in community with His people, from the fire and cloud that traveled with them to the tabernacle, Jesus in the flesh, and then the Holy Spirit who lives in all believers. God is a God of connection, our ultimate need for this is met in Him and He meets this need both personally with His Spirit and corporately with His bride, the Church.
Historically, the early Church met together in homes daily, encouraging one another, sharing with those in need, worshiping, and fulfilling God’s purpose for them. They faced persecution by the Roman Empire, opposition for Jewish religious leaders, and a variety of other struggles because of their faith, yet they flourished. This is evidence of the power of connection and living with purpose. It enabled them to face extreme difficulty, not only surviving, but growing.
In a nutshell, their solution to the problem was community or small groups. The church through the course of history moved away from this model, but has come back to it for the continued purpose of worship, encouragement, and instruction. Another model for creating connection the church has used is mentorship seen again in the Old Testament with Moses and Aaron, Elijah and Elisha, Jesus and the 12, Paul and Timothy, Peter and John Mark and so on. Today this continues to be an effective method for meeting this need with a variety of books on the topic like The Coach Model, Follow, Seeking God Together and others.
Lately, there is renewed emphasis of engaging with the culture through conversations as seen in the book Talking About God by Steve and Cheri Saccone. Finally, serving others is not exclusively a Christian idea, it was mentioned in an earlier article for ways to combat loneliness, but it is however a uniquely altruist from the model of Jesus. As followers of Christ, we have the greatest example of serving and therefore the greatest opportunity to begin a connection with someone by first meeting their needs through service. “If we are burning the flame of God’s moral order bright, they will have a beacon to follow out of the darkness” is just one thought among many from the book Good Faith.
How can we meet the need now?
Big Brothers Big Sisters, has made an impact in my local community through mentorship, boasting some significant results among students ages 6-13, “93% of mentees express confidence in resisting negative influences and 92% feel a sense of belonging, which is critical for healthy mental well-being.” According to MENTOR, another nationally recognized organization, 58% of adults who were mentored as a young adult say the relationship supported their mental health and 74% said that having a “meaningful mentor contributed significantly to their success later in life.” What was surprising to me was the lack of organizations in my local area supporting young adults through an established or advertised mentorship program. The local community college offers something for their students, Boys and Girls Club and Big Brother Big Sister both offer mentoring for younger students, but there is a significant gap for young adults. I recognize these are not immediate solutions to the problem, but they do narrow down the demographic and solidify a target audience for where or with whom to start meeting the need for connection with the hope of Jesus.
I lead a team of mentors who volunteer their time to mentor the students from our church college. These are working professionals, grandparents, business owners, coaches, and most importantly, devoted followers of Jesus who want to see young adults grow and mature to be all Christ has planned for them to be. The current ministry model is only serving those enrolled at the college, much like the mentorship program through our community college, but what if I offered this to the community? It is an honorable and worthy thing to invest in believers, but what an opportunity to also show the love of Jesus to disconnected and misguided or unguided young adults. Sadly, “most young adults in their twenties have less relational support from family and friends who can offer guidance and wisdom.” Young adults, defined as individuals aged 18 to 29 hunger for connection and are seeking a place to figure out their “identity, find belonging and community and live meaningful lives.” This is not just true of young adults who love Jesus, but ones who do not know Him too!
Taking the ministry I already lead outside the walls of the college, or the church if you will, would require partnering with the college staff or maintaining my commitment to that team and starting an additional team. Beginning with the core group of mentors I have now, and with the training already in place, I would open the team to other followers of Jesus, with the goal to start with 5 mentors.
With the support of the organization, MENTOR, and the structure they offer as well as stringent requirements for safety and accountability, I could register as a group that offers mentoring to the community. Our mentors must be faithful followers of Jesus, would be trained and supported by me and a leadership team that would need to be built. We would be honest and authentic about our faith-based values, but mentoring would be open to any individual ages 18-29 in our community because it is “disarmingly powerful when churches” and believers, “serve their communities in unexpected ways."
The priority would be to have mentors who were trained to speak the truth “from a firm center, but with hospitable and humble soft edges” like Jesus, allowing these young adults to get close enough to be seen and loved. Authors of Good Faith go on to say, “and when aided by the Holy Spirit, we see them, we can look beyond the trends and into real people’s hurts, hopes, and needs.“What young adults need from us, the church, is a safe place where they are seen and heard” and that is exactly what this team can offer through a committed mentor relationship.
How can you help?
Check out the video below for more information about becoming a mentor.
Heart & Soul,
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