Fivish Years, Redefined

Every once in awhile we redefine ourselves, not out of spite for the old us, but out of reflection of the new us.  In actuality this change is not an all of a sudden kind of thing, it’s a gradual months or even years long kind of process.  It’s often only measured when we look back at past photographs or get lost in “remember when” thoughts that it dawns on us that things are different.  Recently, while playing around with social media it struck me, wow, life really has changed in the last fivish years.

Now, I know what your thinking… fivish isn’t really a word.  Well, you're right, it’s not. (Side tangent, there’s an add to my dictionary tab on google docs... embrace it, use it, love it).  I say five “ish” years because I’m looking back at the events more so than the actual time. We... I, tend to get lost in the day to day, the need to do this now so that this will happen kind of living.  Time goes by and we don’t realize the changes that have occurred until we finally step back for a second and take it all in.

That taking it in moment struck me the other day, fivish years ago we were just wrapping up my son’s adoption, I was just getting a new, better job position, I finally got the college degree I had been working on for three years, and my family and I were in the process of moving to a new home.  All of those things happened in a span of about six months. Life was rapidly changing in ways that I never could have imagined, but since I was in the thick of it all I never stopped to notice what was going on.

At the time I didn’t realize what a transformational year that was in my life, in the life of my family.  It was just “living” as usual for a family that always seems to be getting into some new small adventure. In the fivish years since then my children have grown rapidly and a million more memories have been made and life has gone whizzing by. Then I started playing on social media one day and the photos glared at me while the memories poured in.  It’s amazing what five years will bring, and what five years will take away.

Then another thought hit me… I’m not the same me I was fivish years ago, and that’s not a bad thing, it’s just a redefining thing.  I still have a heart for those in need around the world and those down the street, where would we be without that. The difference is the way that plays out in my day to day life.  Today I’m not trekking the globe to expand my family for instance, I find ways to make that impact closer to home. As a wise man once said, don’t forsake those around you for those far from you in the name of doing good, or something like that.

Now, not everything has changed… I still live in the same house that we moved into and I’m still very much done with college and thankfully that job has proven to be the better position that it originally was.  But those things seem insignificant to the change of mind that I have now, the change in spirit. With a little more age has come a little more maturity and growth in the knowledge of the Lord above. It has also brought about a desire to keep growing in that knowledge and see it grow in the lives of my family and friends.

Don’t take me wrong in all of this, I’m not that mature, just ask my wife, and I’m far from that old, don’t ask my younger friends.  My point in all of this is to step back, look at where you’re at and take it in.  Redefine yourself based on the here, the now, and enjoy the view. You may find that you really love where life has taken you, even if it’s not anywhere close to where you thought it would be. Most importantly, praise God whether you think your last fivish years were fruitful or not. You never know where the next fivish will take you.


- C

I Forget Things

I forget things.  I forget lots of things.  I’ve joked for years that I’m a goldfish.  You know, 30 seconds of memory, once around the bowl and wow, look, a treasure chest.  I suppose it can be humorous, but it really does get frustrating from time to time. Thankfully, I am not like that with the things that really matter in life.  The family, love, and God portions of life specifically.

While I have always been forgetful, I haven’t always been a Christian.  I was an atheist until sometime between 18 and 20 years old, I couldn’t tell you exactly when.  The “funny” thing is that I never would have called myself an atheist back then because I never gave it any real thought.  It wasn’t until coming to faith that I even realized what I used to be. It was at some point surrounded by friends, Christian friends, and my Proverbs 31 fulfilling wife that I was finally touched, and my eyes were opened.

It was after coming to a church week after week and hearing a message that was undeniable that it all started to make sense to me.  It wasn’t one phenomenal pastor, in fact we didn’t even have one for awhile, it wasn’t one person or one passage that changed things for me.  It was a combined effort of honesty. Honest people living honestly for the Lord. That’s what changes people, not some perfectly planned response to all of the questions that an unknowing atheist has.

So what does that have to do with being forgetful?  Well, like I said, I can’t remember when I finally became a Christian.  I can’t remember the names of all the men that substitute preached while the church searched for a new pastor.  I can’t remember all of the intricacies of Bible studies long and not so long ago. And I can’t even remember the name to the man that said the words that finally pushed me to get baptized at 21.  The words yes, but not the man.

The point to all of this is that while all of those moments and all of those people had a major impact on my life, nothing they did or said was meant to create a lasting memory of them.  They were pointing the way to the One that I haven’t forgotten since our first true meeting.  The One that I pray I will never forget now that my eyes are open.  It doesn’t make those guiding individuals insignificant, it makes them the Christians that we are all meant to be.  They are the men and women that give what they have as they have it in order to provide those with no knowledge an unforgettable knowledge.  May we all be as forgettable as they. Amen.

- C

I Call Myself an Artist To God's Glory

• Ruth E. Robbins

  Lover. Mother. Daughter. Friend. Artist. Live the passion and creativity hidden deep in your soul and in that your heart will sing. Soli Deo gloria!

Original art by Ruthie Robbins

On my profile page of Instagram I have dared to call myself an artist. I grappled with even coming to terms with what that means or if I had earned the right to be such a thing. Do you have to wait for someone else to give you that distinction? Do you have to have gone to art school or practiced your craft a certain number of years before donning that title?

I believe the answer to that question and all the other questions I have surrounding it have to do with feeling worthy or capable. I struggle to be confident in who God has made me to be. I doubt the strength and gifts I have and their use in the world around me. My qualifications in the other areas can be written out in resume form. It can be attested to that I have served as a faithful love to my husband for 18 years. I am a mother to 4 wonderful boys. I am indeed a daughter born into an earthly family and daughter to our Heavenly Father by adoption on the cross. And I am a friend, just look at how many Facebook friends I have! Ok, just kidding on that one, that is no actual measure of being a friend. I have a sarcastic side that permeates much of my speech and too often my parenting. But ARTIST, can I say that I am an artist just because I paint? I see it much in the same way I would be leary of calling myself a writer. Though I have written many things, I have had nothing published.

Are you starting to sense the problem here? This is all about me and what I am qualified or not qualified to do. It is about what I can do. My strength. My gifts. Me. Me. Me.

This is a big problem.  

1Peter 4:10-11 says, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 

 

We are clearly shown even our gifts are not about us, they are for God's glory and the benefit of others. So to this end I desire to offer my art as a gift, a testimony to the gospel and the hope that is within me. Selfishly I want the fame and accolades, but deeper still is the desire to make it not about me. That is really hard to do. It is part of a daily prayer asking God to conform my desires to His, to make me want and seek after that which He seeks. It is a prayer of confession for all the ways I have made it about me, that I have wallowed in self pity and doubt and even jealousy. It is a prayer for God to let me see who and how I can bless others with my art. It is a prayer of contentment, asking God to make me satisfied with where He wants my art to be used.

Do you have a passion or gift that you desire to use for His glory, but aren't sure how to? Are you timid in sharing it with the world or even your family because you doubt it's usefulness or your ability? You are not alone. It is far to easy to make things about ourselves whether in our pride or timidity, but by His grace daily we seek Him in prayer and study of the Word. I believe that through these means God changes us and frees us to live a life for Him and not ourselves.

So what does this mean for me as an artist? I will challenge myself to grow in my craft, to be willing to take chances and to share the messy process of creating with people who are interested. I can share my paint and space with the young college student who needs an outlet. I can give a painting to a friend for her birthday. I can sell my paintings at affordable prices. I can let the Word inspire what I paint because whether I paint a sunset or geometric shapes or a fun graffiti piece it is all an overflow from my heart, a heart seeped in the truth of God's Word.

All to His Glory,

Ps. If you are interested in checking out more of my art you can find it here on my Instagram page www.heartsongstudiova.com