I was doing my homework this morning for our group, yes sometimes we even have homework, and it struck me that I have a lot to learn. **News Flash** Ruth does not know everything! This is much more of a shocker to me than it is to you of course. I have long struggled with the idea that I don't know everything. My dad used to call me Ruth Knows All Tells All. It is not that I actually thought I knew everything, it was that what I did know, or thought I knew, I was pretty vocal about sharing it and I suppose not much has changed. I tend to share what is on my mind and enjoy discussing thoughts and ideas in an attempt to learn more. I love to know stuff and I abhor not knowing, it actually drives me crazy to not know. So I can strongly relate to Eve wanting to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and her desire to know stuff like God knows stuff. Information is power and knowledge is strength and knowing stuff is good........right? Well as it turns out for both Adam and Eve that much knowledge was not so good and they felt ashamed for knowing so much. They now knew there was evil in the world. They now knew they were naked. They now knew enough to be ashamed of disobeying God. He gave them the command not to eat from that tree and yet their desire to know stuff overpowered their will to trust God to know more than them. Rather than find freedom in that knowledge they found chains and these chains bound them to all sorts of trouble. This trouble has been following us since then and instead of breaking free from it we live in this fog of shame being held back by it in our own pursuit of knowledge, or at least I have.
You might be thinking that as a believer I have already been set free from condemnation and that I have been made right before God and you would be right. I have accepted Jesus as my savior, I admit that I don't live a perfect life and I need rescuing. I know for certain I am part of God's family and that He has made a way for me to know Him. But that does not mean I have been set free from all of the troubles that weigh me down.
For me this pursuit of knowledge has been about comfort. If I know stuff it brings some level of peace. If I know what will come I can prepare. If I know what to do I can be confident. If I know stuff then I don't need help. If I know the right thing then I can avoid the shame of being wrong. If I......and that is what it is all about. I can rely on myself. I got God for my salvation, but everything else in between I seem to need a back up plan for that involves me. This is a revelation to me. I did not know that I operated this way. I thought I was pretty trusting. I thought I was pretty free. As it turns out ....
I'm waking up from a fog
the fog of doubt and debt
the fog of insecurity and worry
the fog of holding back and holding on
the fog of measuring up and comparison
the fog of I'm right and you're wrong
the fog of this is the only way church is done
the fog of poor me or look at me
Wake me from my foggy sleep
to days of clarity and true sight.
Give me a heart to see the truth of you and me.
Give me strength to live in purpose and in action
for your glory and not my own.
Make me free to live for you alone.
Amen!
With love,
